Note To Self

The sadness, the darkness, the shadows, whatever you wanna call it, it’s always gonna be there. It’s always gonna be at the back of your mind, whispering on your ear things to sabotage you, among many other things. It’s not without its upsides, the darkness. It makes you see things clearer – clearer than anyone with a sunny disposition – can ever see or understand. Life can only be fully understood in the dark, I believe. Those who share the same disposition know the myriad complicated depths of the human psyche, thus granting a certain level of survival instinct.

Using that instinct, however, is another even more complicated thing to do. We know what to do to survive in the darkness. We know how to make things easier for us in here: surround ourselves with people who’ll hold candles to illuminate things a bit. Do the things that made us feel lighter – things that somehow became the sliver of light that makes soldier on and keep living, keep surviving. But most days, the darkness gets too overpowering that it consumes whatever sanity and logic we have left. We feel that the things we do to survive fails us. We feel trapped in the dark, bumping into things we shouldn’t bump into, that a clear path is nowhere to be found.

Escape is an impossibility. That’s the tragic truth of it all. Once it hits you, you’re forever bound to the darkness. We can always look to what little light we have, we can always call on those who are willing to light more candles for us, when the darkness gets to you. We can go back to doing the things that makes us feel lighter.

There are always two options in the dark: survive or let the darkness consume you. Surviving is the hardest thing to do, but letting the darkness consume you, while it seems to be the easiest choice, isn’t really much of an option. Learn how to survive by being one with the darkness. Consume it, fully consume it. Not the other way around.


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