I’ve been beholden to my phone for years now. I find myself most times absent-mindedly holding my phone for no reason at all aside from waiting for that next social media fix.
I’d be lying in bed, phone in hand, aimlessly scrolling through trivialities and nonsense and posts that I’d already seen multiple times. I distract myself. That is the objective.
I distract myself, oftentimes unconsciously, from the thoughts in my head. These are the same thoughts that I need to face head on. These are the thoughts that must be given my full attention at all times.
These may be thoughts that I, in recent past, found undesirable. Detestable. Dangerous, even. But recent knowledge on Jung-ian psychology states that these thoughts must be analyzed and dealt with.
These so-called “negative thoughts” must be aligned with the more acceptable thoughts for my mind to be whole. These sort of thoughts, or “shadows,” have to be brought up from the unconscious.
While I was driving home last night, I chanced upon a downbeat, solemn tune on the speaker. My first instinct was to change the song to something more energetic. I’ve had a couple glasses of wine at that point, it was Christmas day, and I was dead tired. I considered that a red alert situation. I suddenly thought about where I was staying – the fourth floor of a hotel up in the mountains.
I’ve worked hard to avoid certain scenarios that would lead me to what’s now my greatest fear – death by suicide.
The first instinct was to change the song, but I didn’t follow my instinct. I realized that I need to feel and experience what that sad song might dredge up from my unconscious. I let the song run its course. Had I felt something untoward, I would then have the capacity to be more critical and assess the emotions that were brought on.
I’ve always wanted to use logic on my emotions. But there was a time wherein I didn’t believe that that was at all possible for me. Emotions lack the sophistication, emotions are too fickle. Lately, however, I’ve been analyzing myself more. I’ve been more critical of whatever I was feeling. I’ve been more critical of myself. And I believe that that’s my key to have a more peaceful headspace.